Life as a Moderator of a Public Forum

People keep wishing me / Praising me about my Moderatorship at Pagalguy. I do accept that I have grown fast in Pagalguy rather I was accepted fast in Pagalguy.I joined Pagalguy in 2006 as a 29 year Old man looking for some motivation & help to crack CAT, eventually started helping one & all there, behaved in a balanced way when the results for the general guys got delayed & for the OBCs were denied..From then, I always wanted to pay back to this forum as it was the place from where I garnered lots of help/support, whenever required.After being promoted as a green Mod ie the sectional Mod, I could see a lots of difference in the way I post. Before becoming a Mod I used to write whatever I feel like straight from my Heart, but now I cannot do that, I can write about any person in whichever way I want (not slangs definitely), now I cannot...
Its not that easy to be a Mod..When I go and close a thread 10 of them are happy while 10 are'nt..When I warn a person about his public behaviour, he takes it to his heart & what not...
Today Iam a little depressed.I still remember saying that "The Results frozen thread" is my favourite thread as it brought out the true me..It projected me as a man..I had made some 200+ posts in that thread (as I was not a Mod by then) & today after 11 months, I just made one post there to "Close it off" as people were spamming there..
You may wonder why is this guy feeling so emotional about closing a thread..The Point is, it is just not a thread, atleast for me...I have a special feeling towards that thread as it keeps reminding me about what & all I felt when I couldn’t convert my IIMA call due to OBC reservations...
Check it out...
http://www.pagalguy.com/forum/cat-and-related-discussion/22406-results-frozen-admission-all-central.html
Still it was my duty & I love my duty

CAT 2007 & Beyond:-I still remember how My wife, My Parents (Contrary to 2006),AbhiG1, Rosogulla, Anupamwillreturn, Prahalad85(From Pagalguy) & others here convinced me on 8th May 2007 to go about giving CAT 2007..On that day I was shattered, Results were out, situation was beyond my control still could garner whatever balance energy with which I was left and started the journey yet again towards what that time appeared to me as my destiny "IIMA".The moment I decided to give CAT 2007 ie May 2007 I started talking to myself saying that "This year I will not compromise on Family values, I will not be a Monomaniac, I will work smarter than Harder & what not".Infact I promised the same to my wife.I decided why don’t I start teaching, which will eventually help me in my own preps. Getting a part time Job with Time was not a problem as the Director knew me well (as a student).Started teaching from the last week of May...The Schedule was 5 days of office work, after work its to sit with the basics & then 2 hours with family..Saturday first half for family..Then second half of Saturday till Sunday evening teaching..First 2 months it was OK OK..Then I started feeling that I was getting worn out, still continued...This is the time 2 important characters joined the bandwagon...AnirIIM & Cimbaiash Nitin(Pagalguy)..We decided to prepare together...The Plan was like after every mock CAT we will have telephonic calls to discuss on the paper....After a month an important Character came into my life "GREENSPAN"(Pagalguy)..Dhosth kum Bhai Jyadha.....At some time during July, I got an offer from HP & I decided to accept the same with lots of ifs & buts...Life looked tormenting..A new Job ambience forced me to work 14 hours a day, couldn’t spend time for my family as promised..Couldnt give those additional tests which anir, nithin & spammy could give ..But kept on saying "Ekh test kum daenae say kya farakh padnae wala"..Always believed that CAT is crackable & to top that feel, scores of 99.98 in QA (Simcat) & 99.97 in DI (AimCAT) added to my belief that this time Iam really really close...Mock after Mock my scores were improving unlike 2006 Mocks which were fluctuating a lot...Just one month before the Exam I went through some personal issues both at Home & Work (I cannot explain them now)..These issues were actually huge in magnitude for me to handle..I started loosing the three essential things to crack CAT , "Concentration, Peace of Mind & Time to prepare"..So many guys here came in support, tried putting me back to form, but I never realised I was actually drowning.....But again I didn’t loose confidence..But CAT had something else to offer me as a proof for my over confidence....Couldnt do well in my strongest section..Those 2 & 1/2 hours my mind wasn't working..It started thinking about all those problems I was going through along with the pressure to solve a tough QA section....Came out dejected..Knew that I have lost the Battle...Didnt want to speak to anyone..was cursing at my own self for whatever has been happening & how I have given room to the problems to encapsule me which under normal circumstances would have been the other way round...Felt really ashamed to step into the class to teach QA...Felt really lost and this debacle pushed me to look at XAT in way of taking revenge especially in QA & the results showed that with a 98.xx in QA...

Jan 8th

CAT results were declared......Got to know my scores....Was in office, couldn’t react ie didn’t want to..Reached home after loafing here & there...Was chatting with anupam at 1.00 AM that’s when I started feeling that pain..Tears started rolling down....The feel that "Bye Bye IIMs" was eating me..

Jan 18th

XAT results day..Site was not working...Called up Harshad...Got the Rely,"Bhai, GMP sae call hae, congrats"..I was actually Jumping..Happy Indeed..Thats fine..I have a call to prove something (Btw got a NMIMS call too)...Started showing that same old vigour..Felt that this call would be a rescue for the situation in which I was...March 7th & 8thStill rememember how Viggy was motivating me & pushing me & how the interview went...

Rest all history......

Looking at the whole thing, I feel Iam much matured than what I was in June 2006 when I joined PG...Iam sure, I will come back as the same old person whom you had met/known/spoken to..All I need is that feel, which will make me strong again , out of the cross roads..A feel, which will make me believe "Iam born today, Problems are of yesterday - before my birth".Iam sure with your wishes I will gain it....

In these 2 years I have learnt so many things about Bschools, Life in B Schools, Placements & what not (without actually being in a B School)...I also realised something called as true love from people here....I have no qualms....(atleast now), More than an MBA seat I have garnered the affection of so many guys here, which is more than an IIMA/XL seat.....I actually enjoyed the whole process like any one here say 23-25 years of age..Competing with each other, pushing each other ...Under Dog Team(Pagalguy.com) actually has a permanent place for me , 2006 - Member, 2007-Captain & 20xx-a permanent coach.

As I always say,

"Never give up for any reasons..You are just close to your dream"..Believe in your dreams, because those dreams belong only to you & you have the responsibilty to fulfill your own dreams.....

Never say,'This is difficult I cant do"..No never, everything is possible (look at my own case)......

Never think PagalGuy is just a forum ..A Big No..Its filled with emotions & passions as what you have, its filled with blood & feeling, It smiles when you smile, its cries & stands behind you when you fail....

Most of all, never doubt your own self in whatever you decide in Life as its your life, you know it better..once decided never step back..

As far as me, I havent decided anything as I never decide things when my emotions are high/low..Will take some time but will surely inform my family ie you....

I personally thank each & everyone who shared my pain, who came out with contingency plans, who believed in me more than I believed in myself & so on.......

Keep the faiths high & Keep Believing in Yourself

Ps: Watch out for My daughter who will come as a Prem No 2 with the same dreams, passion as her DAD....

PS: For sure its not a bye bye Post..But its a silence after the storm...........which I want to enjoy for some more time :-)